Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Sunday, August 12, 2007

A Grammatically-challenged Love Story

This one cracked me up. Haha. Props to whoever wrote this piece of sh*t, though some of the boo-boos are already a bit gasgas. Found it on Inquirer.net, of all places. Read it, you'll love it! Chona will be so proud.

We've been friends since a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realize that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya!

And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I take your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if I'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, "The!" Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky.” Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now we're so in love! Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running out the time.

After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you married me?" I'm still in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo naman, when its rain, it's really fours talaga! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, Isaid yes. Love is a many splendor, di ba?

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss... The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still too on.

So I told her, "Whatever is that means, cut me some slacks, ‘no!" I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. The nerd talaga! Ats if! I don't never want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell her to the marines! I told her, "Please, you should to mine your own business!"

Who would believed her anyway? Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore. Hmphf. Tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies! I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's out of our lives."

Kaya I advised you - take the risk! You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, well, just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

*Update: There's a sequel!
Got this from my colleague, Olops, again. Haha. Read after the jump.

I thought Jay’s ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. “Meet me at the clinic”. I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, Penny for you talks? But I didn’t know what to say. Beggars can’t be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, Can’t got your tongue?? I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff’s ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn’t even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That’s what I’m talking about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That’s what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate. When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, I beg your cordon. I’m patient. It’s my favorite virtue nga e.? Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, Don’t touch me not! Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, Come on, let’s join us.

When I went inside, parang I’ve been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird’s IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse’s mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun. Now, he’s recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it’s a better pill to swallow your pride so it’s forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.


Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Movies You Shouldn't Miss

Jaws Paws
More after the Jump

Pirates of Mr. Bean: The Curse of the Green Mini

Die Old 4.0

I,Phone

The Chronicles of Narnia Riddick

Diet Another Day

Stephen King's It Eat


Saturday, August 4, 2007

The 'Other' Uses of YM Status Messages

Here in our chaotic office, the omnipresent Yahoo Messenger is more than just communication software. Its custom status message feature is also an all-around, all-purpose bulletin board slash personal blurb slash virtual speech bubble of sorts.

From carefully worded mini-sermons to song lyrics and poetic verses, the status message is used most often to tell the world practically anything that the particular person wants to. Not content with the usual and boring 'Busy' or 'Not at My Desk', the irrepressible resourcefulness of some have made the YM Status Message more than just an update of 'current events'. Even before Twitter, there was YM status message.

Here are some other uses of the YM status message that I have observed over the years.

1. Greeting Card - Is it somebody's birthday today? Did somebody get promoted? Then expect dozens of greetings up on everybody's status messages. This is an easy and no-cost way to greet anyone in the office aside from a direct PM to the person involved. It's become a common practice so much that if you were never greeted on YM status messages ever in your entire existence in our office, you should seriously reflect if you have friends here. Hehe. The YM status message is also an effective tool to coax the celebrator to give a treat to everyone in the office. I guess with more than a handful of very public YM status messages asking for pa-pansit or ice-cream, somebody's going to cave in to that subtle pressure soon. ^_^

2. Instrument of Protest - Is the A/C broken again? Is the salary late again? No more coffee, creamer or sugar at the pantry? Did somebody from the higher-ups shortchange somebody? Then expect righteous indignation, in more than a handful of status messages, aimed with military precision at the powers that be. Sometimes it's amazing how a measly 200+ characters can morph into a concise but venomous missive expressing discontent, disgust and derision over a wide range of office conditions and situations. It takes genius to condense utter hate into a few words. Haha.

3. Advertising Tool - Who needs ad space when there's YM status message? Micro-entrepreneurs in our midst use the custom status message to advertise their products or services, from cell phone E-load to food. It also works the other way around. If you need anything, you can simply pop it into your status message and wait ‘til somebody PMs you about it. Like later, if my cell phone conks out on me again, I'd probably put up 'Sisay tabi may charger?' (Who has a cell phone charger, please?) on my YM. LOL. It’s also a useful online marketing tool for bloggers or anyone who wants to advertise a particular website. Just provide a link and a mysterious, undecipherable message like ‘click me’. Hehe

4. Online Rebuke – This is related to #2 but is usually aimed towards a colleague or a friend rather than at superiors. Anybody who wants to castigate somebody can easily put a message complete with stinging words of rebuke and criticism. Sometimes this evolves into a sort of weird virtual conversation when the other party answers back, still through YM status message. It’s actually quite ridiculous and foolish but what the heck, its part of the craziness that still remarkably keeps us all sane.

5. Multi-purpose bulletin board – Apparently, the YM status message satisfies the need for self-expression. It becomes a multi-purpose tool where anything from jokes, quotes, movie and TV lines, song lyrics, poem verses, foreign phrases, and a whole lot more can be posted. There’s the usual deep and inspirational message (either in English or Tagalog), the occasional ‘woe-is-me’ blurb, and sometimes, the YM status message version of PDA (public display of affection). Sometimes, reading through other people’s YM status messages can be very entertaining and can enlighten you to the deep mysteries of life. Just Kidding.

So there - just five of the other uses of YM status messages. Most are corny, others are downright pathetic, some are ridiculous and laughable, and a few are actually insightful and useful. These status messages are now more than just a feature of YM but have become another medium of self-expression. Meanwhile, I’m off to check if anybody’s got an interesting status message on right now. Haha.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Pinoy Transformers


If you think the latest Transformers movie rocked, wait till you see the Pinoy version. haha. Check out BumbleJEEP. Sarao pa gayud ini. Eat your heart out Chevrolet Camaro! I like StrICEsCREAM and OptiBUS Prime na Victory Liner. Olops, my colleague forwarded these to me earlier. Credits to David, of course, whoever he is.

More after the jump

StrICEsCREAM

OptiBUS Prime

MegaTRIKE

FrenZYKAD

BarriCART

Albay in Google Earth

In the most recent Google Earth update last month, several towns and one city in the province of Albay now have high-resolution satellite i...