Back from Hiatus

No, It wasn't really a hiatus. I just didn't have the time and opportunity to blog about anything for the past few days, which all just flew by like a blur. Just to update this blog though, here's a recap of what transpired during the past week.

I was in Pasig together with my fellow team leads for a series of meetings with our company's VP for Marketing and SEO Manager plus the CEO himself, who all flew in from the US. As expected, it was a busy week, so this blog went on silent mode for the first half of the month.

Although we kind of 'dreaded' coming to Manila, I think the week went pretty well. I finally met some of the people I used to communicate with only through PMs and emails. We also had the chance to personally discuss a slew of work-related issues and plans with the upper management. And, best of all, we received a bunch of promises good news that everyone in our Legazpi office needed for them to get pumped-up and ready for this year's challenges and opportunities.

I hope this is a start of something good for all of us, especially for my colleagues who have been really working hard for the past year.

Looking Back at 2007

The year 2007 started rather inauspiciously for me - in darkness. Still, despite the absence of electricity to brighten our New Year Media Noche in the physical sense, there was a palpable effort to make the New Year celebration a joyous event despite the odds. For me, that drive to pull through despite the odds was in many ways, the defining point of the entire 2007. This was the year of rebuilding, the year of surviving.

Now as the new year 2008 beckons, I can't help but look back at the past year. I'm thankful that even with many inevitable problems, conflicts, and disillusionment that pockmarked the whole year, it has been a year full of blessings - in the form of new and old friends, a stable job, a loving family that is still together and many more.

When stripped down to the basics, just as we were when the year started 12 months ago, one gets to realize that the best things in life really aren't things. I may not have all the riches and material things, but I'm glad I have the 'best things'. Goodbye 2007! Cheers!

Godspeed, Friends

Some of my colleagues will be transferring to a new department at our company's Pasig office. Through the years of shared experiences and countless hours in the office, most of them have become my friends, close friends even.

The workplace will certainly be very different without them even though this isn't the first time that many of our friends and colleagues have left to pursue new horizons. I am hoping that, like with our other friends who have left before them, the bonds of friendship we've forged will not be diminished or broken by distance.

Still, change and moving on is a natural part of our lives. So, as they follow their own paths, I wish them success in their new endeavors. Goodbyes are only temporary. I know we'll meet again some other time. Meanwhile, here's a toast to my fellow web content writers Mydz and Ailene, and our web marketing colleagues Niki, Jinky, Jeremy, Juliet, Art and Frances. We'll miss you. Make us proud!

* * *

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.
It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

(Good Riddance) Time of Your Life
Green Day

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

* * *

This poem by Robert Frost, is one of my personal favorites because it hits close to home. I am also a traveler, with an ongoing, almost twenty five year journey. At some point, I can't help but think of all the 'roads' I have taken and not taken. I have learned that most roads go only one way. As soon as one decides to take a road, there is indeed no turning back. Even though one can always change paths farther along the way, the road that has been trod cannot be untrod. There are no u-turn slots, detours and shortcuts.

Choosing one road over another can make all the difference. I wonder where I would be today had I decided to take another road. Sometimes I feel the longing for taking another road, discovering new alleyways, unbeaten tracks, unknown corridors and hallways. And yet sometimes, I can't dare to leave the path I am taking, afraid to lose sight of the familiar and the comfortable.

So I keep marching on into the wilderness of uncertainty, hoping that I have chosen the right path. Where will this road take me? Twenty five years hence, If I'd be telling this with a sigh, - that I have taken the road less traveled by and it has made all the difference - would it be a sigh of contentment and happiness or a sigh of despair and misery?

Crisis of Faith

I have just finished reading this rather long article about Mother Teresa’s Crisis of Faith and I must say that it is truly an interesting and enlightening piece. It is also quite humbling to know that even someone like Mother Teresa, considered as the most faithful woman in the world, struggled with her faith for years, experiencing relentless doubt and anxiety even to the point of questioning God’s existence.

For all these years, our mental image of Mother Teresa is this little woman bent with age but always smiling and lovingly taking care of the sick, the dying and the ‘poorest of the poor’. She was hailed as ‘the living saint’. Who knew that behind that was a suffering person in agony because of the ‘darkness’ and ‘loneliness’ in her heart and the ‘absence’ of God in her life. For all her successes and all the worldly accolades given to her, Mother Teresa was lonely and felt forsaken by her God, confessing to her superiors how she suffered from ‘spiritual dryness’ even as late as 1995, two years before her death.

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love - and now become as the most hated one - the one - You have thrown away as unwanted - unloved. I call, I cling, I want - and there is no One to answer - no One on Whom I can cling - no, No One. - Alone ... Where is my Faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness - My God - how painful is this unknown pain - I have no Faith - I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart - & make me suffer untold agony.


So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them - because of the blasphemy - If there be God - please forgive me - When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven - there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. - I am told God loves me - and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart? - Mother Teresa, addressed to Jesus, at the suggestion of a confessor, undated

I am humbled because I have also found myself wallowing in my own darkness and loneliness, also questioning God’s providence. And yet I am not really the religious type and I confess I would be aptly described as one of the ‘nominal’ Catholics – only by name, but not in actions or convictions. If Mother Teresa suffered countless years of doubts, anxieties, feelings of abandonment and darkness, I realize my own feelings of worthlessness and loneliness are nothing compared to what she must have felt. Then, who am I to complain and question God whenever I feel down and out, or when things don’t turn out right?

Somehow, it is comforting to know that doubt and anxiety are a natural part of everyone’s life, even that of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. But what is truly inspiring is how Mother Teresa managed to spend more than 50 years of her life dedicated to serving the 'poorest of the poor' in the filthiest and vilest places on Earth. And she did all that while suffering intensely deep within.

She is indeed a Saint.

A Tale of Two Artists

Whenever I find myself lost in the whirlpool of daily life, I try to tune out from all that noise and frenzy, take a step back and listen to some good ol’ music to soothe my weary soul. When feeling down in the dumps, I sometimes find myself instinctively looking for two particular artists in my playlist: Eva Cassidy and Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. You probably may have never heard of their names before but I am sure that you have heard their music at least once.

These two artists were worlds apart, yet they remarkably share many things in common. Israel, also fondly called IZ, is one of Hawaii’s most beloved musicians. He was literally larger than life: standing at a gigantic six-foot-six and weighing over 700 pounds.


Anyone who saw IZ for the first time, he with a small ukulele in hand, surely would have been awed by this man. Never would they think that within that gargantuan frame lay a gift: a smooth and pure voice.

If you have watched the closing scenes of ’50 First Dates’, waited till the credits rolled in ‘Meet Joe Black’, or watched as Dr. Mark Greene passed away in ‘E.R.’, you have already heard IZ’s voice. ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and ‘What a Wonderful World’ are old classic tunes. Everybody knows them. But IZ gave these two songs his own twist and the result is sublime.

How IZ recorded these songs is legendary. He called up his producer at 2 a.m. saying he wanted to record right at that moment. At the studio, he started with a quick dedication – ‘Kay, this one's for Gabby’- then began gently strumming his ukulele and sang the opening lines of ‘Over the Rainbow’.

Halfway through it, he deftly and seamlessly changes the tune and started singing Louis Armstrong’s ‘What a Wonderful World” then back again to 'Somwehere..'. It is a simple performance but was truly heartfelt. IZ’s version has been described as ‘so sad and poignant, yet full of hope and possibility’.

That was the first and last time he sang those two songs. The record was released and IZ quickly rose to fame. However, it did not last long. IZ died four years later due to a respiratory illness related to his obesity. He was only 38. Hawaii's state flag flew at half staff on the day of his funeral and 10,000 people gathered as is ashes were scattered into the Pacific Ocean.

The other artist is Eva Cassidy. She was a jazz, blues and pop singer from Maryland who lived a fairly simple and quiet life as a singer in Washington DC. She was lavished with accolades, sold over four million copies and was even described as 'one of the greatest voices of her generation’. Sadly, she never saw all of this happen. She died of cancer in 1996. She was only 33.

It was only after her death that recordings of her songs were released. My favorite song by Eva is her rendition of Sting’s ‘Fields of Gold’. It is said that Sting himself was moved to tears when he heard her version. She also sang a mellowed-down version of ‘Time after Time’ which was used in an episode of Smallville.

Remarkably, one of her most famous recordings was of ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’. In September 1996, with her health rapidly deteriorating that she even needed a walker, she did her final performance in front of an audience of friends. She sang ‘What a Wonderful World'.

Eva and IZ: two different artists who lived thousands of miles away from each other. Yet both of them made beautiful music that lived on even if they both have passed away too soon. Both gave their own rendition of the same two songs. Both became even more famous and sold more records posthumously. And both have captured the hearts of millions of music lovers all over the world including mine.

Listen:

Choose your own Adventure

Back in grade school, before the world ever knew Harry Potter, some of the most popular books in our library were the ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ series. These books were probably on the list of the most read and borrowed books from the library right below Enid Blyton’s or the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys series.

I used to read these ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books. If you are unfamiliar with it, these were a series of children’s books where the reader assumes the role of the hero of the story and has to make choices that will determine his/her fate. The reader has to determine the hero’s next course of action by making decisions based on the choices given in the book.

The reader is asked to turn to a page in the book that corresponds to these choices. The plot then unfolds through these choices, leading to more choices and multiple possible endings. Sometimes, if the reader is a bit unlucky, the main character would encounter a rather unfortunate end (like death) because of the choices the reader made. Often, when the protagonist meets an untimely end in the book I was reading, I would cheat and ‘retrace my steps’ back to those ‘choices’ that led the character to his doom. I would then select the other choices, which turned out to be the best ones, and continue reading the story until I get to a satisfactory ending (or maybe until I get bored with the book). LOL.

That’s what I loved about these books. They were interactive even before the internet was as common as it is now.

More mature readers might scoff about this type of story format but, thinking about it now, those books really had some lessons to teach their readers, aside from the possible lessons found in the story itself.

Life is indeed a series of choices. These choices might either be easy or hard to make, but they always have consequences. In real life, as soon as you make a choice and consequences happen as a result of it, you cannot cheat and ‘retrace your steps’ or restart your life story somehow. You just have to suck it all in and have the courage to stand by your decision and face whatever consequences it will bring.

I have also made some decisions that I wish I did not do, or chose to do. Usually these decisions were made out of impulse. Some were made without thinking thoroughly about their consequences. I regret quite a lot of these decisions and spent stressful hours thinking about it. But ultimately, I just had to pick myself up and continue on to the next crossroad, the next set of choices and hope to make the right ones by then. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: One's philosophy is not best expressed in words, it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility'

QLC

I don't know who wrote this essay but it's certainly worth reading. I have already posted this in my previous blog and I'm posting it again because it hits the spot right on. If you're twenty-something and you feel like your life is going nowhere, I suppose you'll find yourself nodding in agreement at the points raised here. Read on

'Quarter Life Crisis'

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job; and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."